I was on vacation last week. It was pretty nice, but I did have to work very hard at not obsessing about what was happening at the house. My cell phone didn't work outside of the county (a little further than the end of my zip code like I thought) and I did have opportunity to ride back into town to use a phone. Me, trying to be non-chalant with little beads of sweat form on my upper lip while I turned down the first two offers, must be an ugly thing because the third opportunity came up and my Superman told me I was going. So, I went and the power was out and that was that.
For some reason, though, it's been really hard getting back into real life again.
The first couple days felt physically tough. My body ached all over, even the soles of my feet hurt like I had gravel in my shoes, or rocks stuck to my bare feet, but that went away after a couple minutes on the inversion table. Also a ton of laundry, not just a week's back-up but the first load of white socks and undies shocked me ~ the wash water was black! So, all ten or twelve loads had to wash twice. Note: The laundry room is UPstairs. Other than that, bug bites to heal, sunburn doing the itchy peel and everything else is normal.
I expected when I got back that I would have a bunch of messages. Surprise! Nobody missed me. I really hadn't told very many I was going, family in case the worsed happened, and of course my boss knew but . . . . Nothing. Bit of a blow to a bruised ego.
Tonight I found out that a whole lot of people got together and did something a few months back and never said a word about it to the whole lot of the rest of us. Never mentioned it in the planning stage, never said, Oh, won't see you this weekend because we will be elsewhere, no reminiscing about how much fun they had or what they learned in our presence. I can't for the life of me figure that one out. First, they had to lie. Then they had to cover the lie. Then they had to bite their tongues every time conversation or even the pleasant part of the memory drifted into the room. What was so important about getting a group together and going that everybody couldn't know about it? They stole our opportunity of wishing them well on their adventure! And for what? Is there some kind of kick one gets from pulling a cheap wool over someone else's eyes? I very nearly posted this on Facebook this evening:
I'm really loathing people who lie tonight. It bothers me that I care for them and their lies create a poison within them. In a community, village or a family it creates those 'skeletons' in closets and leads only to hurt. For me, it forces me to pretend I wasn't lied to, I feel disrespected and unloved. Besides, do I really look THAT dumb? I guess that answer would be 'YES', because you just did it again.'
Then I remembered nobody missed me while I was gone, so probably nobody would read what I was posting anyway, and I deleted it.
Another piece of sad news: My nephew in the army, stationed in Afghanistan, was watching out after a stray dog there. Apparently, one of the trained military dogs was bit by one of the strays that hang about and an order put out that all of the strays had to be distroyed. He walked him out there and tied him to where he was shot. I feel so bad for my boy, for the tender part of his heart that he has for dogs. He's trying to take comfort in the fact that he was there for him in the end and for him I hope he finds solace.
I could go on about all that I know who are suffering but I don't want to. These were the things that weigh heaviest on me tonight, in my prayers up front. I don't ask for solutions anymore, like when I was young and stupid. I only ask for comfort and healing in wounds that may never heal. I hope that in dreams peace waits for us all.
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