Dear Major League Baseball Player,
You don't know me, but, as with all people on tv, we know you. We watch you very often. In your profession, we watch you almost daily for about three hours at a time. Forgive me, please, my audacity in addressing you, as I have never seen a baseball game of any kind live and in person. I have only ever viewed your games on television or heard them on the radio.
Thankfully, the camera is not on you constantly but roams your team. So, we miss most of the nose picking, chew spitting, butt scratching and cup adjusting. Some of what you are doing while you are standing and waiting for the action of the game that you love and we love to watch gets to be nauseating. Did you know?
I understand that the uniforms are somewhat lacking. They are made of a fabric that is uncomfortable for the constant wear you have to put into them in order to last an entire baseball season, which I'm sure includes a lot of polyester for durability. I recognise, also, that a moron designed the cut. Seriously. I see that the shoulder seam is in the wrong place for shoulder movement and the sleeve length is doesn't allow for ease in throwing. For that you have my sincerest pity.
What I have a difficult time understanding is why you don't choose a uniform in your size. I know 'baggy' is in off the field, but when your shirt is so big, it actually impedes your movement I have to question your vanity. When your pants are hanging so low you can't make that sudden stretch to tag the runner, I wonder that your mamma hasn't been telling you to pull your pants up. When your hat is off center, I can see the little boy in the streets playing stick ball, but where is your respect for your profession?
I wonder at these things when I see it because I know you are a great player on my favorite team, so, I know you must be pretty good and I just think you would be so much better, dare I say LEGENDARY if you just could focus on your sportsmanship and skills and not on the fight you are having with your clothes.
Of course, you could always go without. THAT would make for some great baseball viewing.
Just a fan viewing from home on the sofa, with knitting in hand and dogs on each side and my husband in his recliner to me, snoring, with chocolate on his breath.