Monday, September 14, 2009

The Marbles Roll Loose

Lots of stuff in my head, rolling around.

1. I am very happy I got to see my mom yesterday and I bonused because I got to see my sister, her oldest son and his two boys. I hadn't met the newest little one and hadn't seen the older one since he was born. It was a very short visit, but I feel like, wow, that was a good day.

2. Knitting. I had a migraine for about eight days, then I was OK for about three days. I say OK, because I was feeling kinda dazed about the headache being gone. Then I had about three days of fighting something, I think. I hurt everywhere, then I would have severe chills for about a half hour. I am feeling pretty good now, but Superman is out of it.

With all of that, knitting has gone pfbtttt! I got to the bottom of a sweater I'm making for my nephew, nearly finished with the sleeves of a sweater for my step-daughter, but not finding any motivation. I have a package for my purple swap overdue because of not feeling it. I couldn't get out of the house to find things to put together for it. So, yesterday, I stopped and picked up a couple of skeins of eyelash yarn and nearly finished a scarf to send. I have knitting at the library today, wondering what to take.

3. Work. While I was not feeling it, the first of the month came and went. I thought a lot about how I label people, not like I'm being judgemental, I mean that I have name labels for people rather than remember their names. I have a few firefighters, one policeman, a couple of dentists, the realtors have all moved out (hmmm, is that a comment on the economy?), lots of elderly that I love, a woman pro baseball player whose in her off season now, a landscaper, a construction company, a furniture retailer. . . . Another thing I have is deadbeats and tweakers. I've been feeling bad because of the way I treat them in my head. Because of the way they pay their bills, I can't treat them any better to make up for it. I offer all the help I can, but unless the word FREE figures in my offers, they almost never take me up on what I can do. That makes me feel bad too. I sigh to myself and think, 'there's just some who won't be helped.' When I get to that point, I go turn the on happy music in my stero. It just takes me a while to get there.

4. Privacy. I am really missing this quality in my life. Of course, I live where I work, which has greatly diminished this commodity in my world. People don't seem to have a concept that I have sat at my desk waiting all day for them, have to lock the door at closing time to go and take care of everything else I put off all day, which is a really limited period of time. With daylight gettting shorter, I have less and less time to get dinner done and the dishes washed, the dogs to the park, finish the laundry or whatever chores I have been sporadically working on all day. I don't try to do any errands during the week, when I lock the office up on Saturday, I need to focus on all I can't get to the rest of the week. I need to go to the store, I need to see my family (them that will see me), I have big projects I can't work on during the week that I save for the weekend and if people are knocking on my doors or calling the office line, I may answer them but I will be irratible or even just not able to focus on their issues. I feel they go away put off. I crave the feeling that I have somehow made someone's day a little better, and when people walk away from me discontented my sense of good in the world gets diminished.

Another things that knocks it low is not having a yard for the dogs. I'm trying to work with my shy girl and having to do it in a park or the public pathway where anybody could see me is a bit stressful. People don't have any consideration for what a dog may be going through, they think they can just walk up to any dog and start making un-calming conversations with them. I have always when I see a new dog, asked the people if I may say hello, and a few have said no, so I will just tell the people it's OK maybe another time. I wish that more people appreciated that it takes a community to raise a child, to train a dog, to make the world go round, and to think before they do.

4. Lots of conversations lately about healthcare. I posted President Obama's speech the other day, but it seems to come up a lot. My mom went to a new doctor, who put her on a new perscription and (yeah!) her blood sugar levels are down nearer to normal, probably normal than they have ever been. The thing that bugs me is that it took so long. She's getting medicare but has no information about using it, so she hesitated. How many people hesitate because of financial issues? It's seems a huge problem to me. A tenant this morning was telling me about her son who has been suffering with a concussion and back injury for over a year and has been near death for most of that time, whose care was paused for financial issues. My own situation, I have health care through my job, but I don't use it because there is not much paid for as far as preventative care. It will be helpful, well more than having no healthcare, when and if I have an immediate or catastrophic problem, but I am struggling to deal with my diabetes on my own. My husband has no healthcare. He fell out of his truck almost two years ago and injured his back. He sought help but was told he can't be helped because he smokes. He had a heart attack a year ago in October and received some financial assistance through the hospital, but we are still having to make payments on some of the other bills, like the doctor's bill and the ambulance. None of that is helping with the back problem. He sleeps very little at night like maybe hour and a half or two hours per night, he is having lower digestive problems where he doesn't have bowel movements but once a week, maybe.

It just seems that Obama's point about how prosperous our nation is on the worldwide scale, it is shameful how unhealthy, the lack of medical care our people have access to or how unfair the insurance companies are treating their customers. I understand he is trying to fix that, and I know that the opposition, who are financed by corporations, including the big business of medical insurance, will fight him rather than find solutions to the issues they are having with his plan.

In the meantime, Superman applies for Social Security Disability Benefits.

ETA: I just heard something really stupid. Somebody was protesting the healthcare plan because they don't want their choices taken away. OK. Then let the health care costs continue to rise so you can keep your choices and let the big corporate giant insurance companies continue to make it about business as usual. When your choices are gone, you'll be hoping someone has a plan for you like the rest of us. Besides, I have only heard that everybody will get to keep their choices except from 'THEM' who want to scare you into not supporting anything Your President proposes and 'THEM' is the same as those who support Business as Usual. Just saying. Why wouldn't you make the sacrifice so that those also deserving get the same as you?

5. I think a lot about my nephew, who is in basic training for the Army. I have written a few letters back and forth with him. I am not a proponent for military either, but I am a proponent for my nephew. In fact, I feel much love and admiration for all my next generation. My daughter, my step-daughter, my nephews, my nieces, and their next generation. I have so much admiration for how smart they are, how hard they struggle, what they are able to accomplish, what they are willing to learn and that they seem less likely to sit back and wait but more likely to stand up for themselves and THINK for themselves. I'm not saying any of what they do is better than or worse than what I went through, but it seems there are a lot of lazy dumb asses in my generation and they make me admire the next so ever much more. (PS. I hope calling them 'lazy dumb asses' doesn't offend anybody, but I have been giving it a lot of thought and there doesn't seem to be a term that adequately or succinctly describes these individuals better than that.) This makes me think about school being back in session and wondering what kids are learning. It makes me wonder if they are gaining the sense that they can do all and be all they can be, that they can save themselves, someone else, the world, if they like because they have a power, even a superpower all their own. That thought makes me excited and wishes I was a teacher or a librarian, I want to be closer to them so I can see what they do. I want to bring a book, get out my colored pencils, go for a walk, listen to what they think, spend some time. Apparently, that is either too expensive, takes too long, boring, because it doesn't happen often enough. I get it. I'm also getting old.

There's actually lots of little marbles rolling around in there, loose. These are just the few I could catch to show you.

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