WRandom Wednesday

1. I have just added updates to the two recent blogs about having the crisis with the car and the unfairness of having a credit card with Citibank. If you are a regular reader, you may have read them already, now you can go back and read 'the happily ever after' outcomes. (Please note: that was me being snarky just now.)

2. Occupancy here has fallen to a new low, 80%. I am waiting for something to happen to make me feel better about this, but at this point, the only thing is that there are some who just moved out who were having a very difficult time keeping up with this payment, who now don't have to worry about it anymore, or me about them. I need to write a blog about all the things about my job I'm grateful for, to remind myself that I am grateful and that a good feeling is more powerful than a bad, but right today, with everything else rolling loose in my head, I don't have it in me.

3. I watched 'Oprah' today, and am feeling pretty angry with a total stranger. The episode was about thinking outside of the box, meaning, doing things we normally wouldn't do. For example: they went and participated in Roller Derby. Then, they went skydiving. That was were I got upset. One woman, who happens to be from my area, got so anxious, she passed out in the plane and then when she woke up, puked, didn't make the jump. (Later, they went skinny-dipping.) The thing was this: This was a nationally televised program, all kinds of safety measures in place, probably all kinds of kids watching (like OUR DAUGHTERS and other women in desperate need of encouragement) I am pretty sure I would have jumped. Seriously, I hate flying, because that insecurity is always there that this is the plane they will be talking about tomorrow on the news for some tragic reason, and if I was in a plane that was in trouble, jumping would put me in that same anxious state. But each woman had an experienced jumper strapped to them, to whisper all kinds of encouragement, they went through a training, there was a camera guy there for each woman and there were FOUR other women going through the same thing at the same time, you were not alone by any means. PLUS, Oprah doesn't do anything for anybody that is less than safe anymore. Where was your focus???

4. I have been thinking about my Heroes (again) and I have to add all of those people in the US television audience that watched the news program about an orphanage in Iraq, and have donated or is sponsoring one of the 150 children.

5. My daughter and her cousin (of a brother-like closeness) came over and brought 'his' two boys. I say 'his' as there was never any proof that they are his, and now they have become the children of his heart. (I find that happens more often than I used to think it did, to my Superman, for one.) The older one is about a year and a half old, the baby is about six months old. Baby is a very happy boy, smiley about everything, doesn't fuss too much. Big brother is so very smart, sat on the floor with his car in the kitchen counting 1, 2, 3 GO! My mom has spent some time with him, says he actually can count to 5 as he has laid out all the coasters on the coffee table to count and puts them away again. Likes our spaghetti too. It was so cool to spend time with my daughter (she's almost 22 now, and busy with work and friends and stuff) and my nephew (who just started driving truck ~ he showed me his first driver's log, he was literally all over the country) as that doesn't happen often enough in our busy, busy world, but it was pretty cool, too, getting to know someone new. They went home with a sweater that I knitted a year ago, and didn't think would fit big brother anymore. I am working on a bigger one, still have sleeves to go, but it made me happy he went home with one anyway. Before they left, we had news that another of my nephews has a son now, too. Monday was a big day.

4. We have been watching the World Series. I can't seem to figure out why they are so disappointing to watch, but at the same time, on they night they don't air, there is nothing to watch then either. I'm thinking it's possibly because the team I know is not playing, but even still, that doesn't satisfy either.

5. The other day, at my knitting group, one of the women came in, sat down and announced that her husband was leaving her and she was OK with that. That was interesting too. However, I'm feeling guilty because I think I don't care. I have reasoned it out, backwards and forwards, and haven't concluded much yet. At the time, I thought for her, that it must be a relief, like sometimes those situations are when they have a conclusion, which made her just plop down and announce she's making an announcement. But I don't know him, or her, really. It's hard to know what's been going on, they seemed to be companionable, as she has been telling us about a trip they took recently, and when he said, no more yarn shops, but at the next town, found her another one. . . . To me, that seemed like they were getting along. So, it was a surprise, probably to her too.

6. My nephew the soldier boy in basic training, wrote me and said I can write him one more before he gets out. I have started a couple times, but find I can't get it done. I am worried that 'one more' won't be good enough, I think. I don't know why, it doesn't make any sense, to have this huge writer's block right now.

7. My husband's complaining that the house is a mess. I can't decide if that hurts me, because maybe I'm expected to be the one that gets it done. I really don't care if it's sanitized clean, don't profess to be a clean freak, but I do try to keep things neat, I like things to be where they belong, if they can't belong someplace, then it's just crap hanging about and my inclination is just to toss it. And believe me, being a Self-Storage Manager, I know about the conflict of crap.

8. Things coming up. Next week is our anniversary of being at this location. My daughter will have her 22nd birthday. There is a holiday weekend this month. After that, the discussions about sending gifts to the grandkids as expected for Christmas. The company office party (more on that next item.) Then we will have our actual wedding anniversary and some more holidays off. Meaning, at home without opening the office, and trying to ignore people who bang on the door.

9. That Company Party. I really don't like office parties. I don't much care for any organized gathering, people get too close to me, make an appearance when they are sick and should have stayed home, and all that anti-social stuff I worry about, but this one is especially tough. First let me say, I feel like I HAVE to go, because after years of being their employee, I don't know these people very well. (One of my co-workers says, Don't you prefer it that way?) The problem that has surfaced that they appear to be uncaring the rest of the year. Recently, we had a problem with the water heater, and after reporting it to the supervisor, expected we would get a call to check on us. Especially, because some of my personal artwork was ruined. Nothing. For the two company parties each year, they put it all out there to feed us a catered dinner, tearfully tell us as a group that they appreciate us, at the Christmas party laugh at us participating in the White Elephant (which is where everyone brings a wrapped gift and puts them in a big pile, a raffle ticket is drawn, each ticket drawn gets to pick a gift from the pile, each successive contestant then either takes a previously chosen gift (thereby that person has to go choose another) or choose another from the pile with the chance they will loose that gift to each successive contestant), and while that sounds like fun, I don't enjoy watching how greedy grown adults can get. There isn't any alcohol served, so that's a blessing. If we decide to go, the next hurdle for me to climb will be having to decide what to wear. Bother.

10. The dogs. I am really in turmoil over this. Maggie and Dori. Love them dearly. Hate being allergic to them. I know they need me to touch them, Maggie constantly insists on it. Dori needs it too, being a rescue dog, but is fearful of contact of ANY kind. We've had her for nearly four months and can't tell that we are making any headway. I recently watched the videos we made of her the first week we had her and I don't see that there is any change. Now that the days are getting shorter, we are not walking them in the park in the evenings, which is bad for Maggie as she doesn't always go with me in the morning either. As the weather becomes more inclement, Dori doesn't go either. To me, they seem to need to walk, even if they don't get excited about going. Walking Dori every morning really wears me out. Surprisingly for her size, she really pulls me hard. I know that what is needed is time. We know she needs for someone to do stuff with her and wait for her to get over whatever fear she is having at that moment, but it literally could take hours, if not all day. We know this because we have spent hours trying to deal with her fear of noises. We walk past an industrial area, daily, but daily is not cutting it. I can't stand there for the hours she will stubbornly fight us. We know that this stems from her survival of her first home. Being one of 200 dogs that had to fight for food, water, comfort, it is very apparent that Dori has used fear as an escape from having to deal with anything, any situation. She can outlast, while in fear mode, any situation, because she did it for so long before. She dominates us with her fear. Totally dog psychology, I know, but that is Dori, and that is why there has been no improvement. She can't allow herself to be a dog to sniff, for instance, a normal dog will sniff out a place to do it's business, Dori will go where she's standing, sometimes while she's standing. She doesn't investigate, she has never wandered the house, she stays in her crate all day until we sidle up to her to attach her leash, then moves only when we pick up our end, so she has never asked for food, to go out or anything. After four months, we still have never heard her vocalize, except that while we are waiting for her to cope with her fear, after about 5 minutes we do hear her softly moan, a small whine (so soft that Dad can't hear it), to attempt to say that she needs to be moving again. Still no barking except in her sleep and that still sounds like a much bigger breed of dog than she is. We knew it was going to take some time. It seems incredible that after four months, we see no improvement whatsoever.