Lately, I've been finding myself being really stupid. (I almost said 'Blond' but some of my favorite, most intelligent, highly respected people are fair-haired so can't go there, really, anymore.)
First there were plenty of days where I would wander from room to room, trying to figure out why I was there, remembering and going back, but forgetting again. Short-term memory failure, I guess.
Much of that could be attributed to the stress that I gave myself, messed up paying our bills. Not just a little thing, but HUGE and INTENSE. Somehow, the truck payment didn't get made. I thought I did it and I should have checked after a day or two to make sure it went through, and it hadn't. Part of the problem is that the loan has changed banks and now we don't get a statement anymore. (Really, I don't get that. That's like asking for the payment not to be made.) So, for the last few months, we've been making double payments. Which means, no extra for anything. The stress of not having any to spare for even a tank of gas or fast food for dinner when you don't feel like making it is making me grey-haired and a bit ulcer problematic.
So, a while back, we got a virus/worm (or both) on our computer. I stayed up pretty late on a Friday night trying to fix the issue myself, and when I couldn't, hours on a Saturday morning with a tech guy in India trying to fix it, and added a major purchase on a credit account I had been trying to pay off a little faster than others because, like a store card, it has a higher interest rate. The other pissed-me-off factors included realizing that not only is my computer remotely being serviced in another hemisphere of my planet, but it wasn't even made in America, either. But the lame commercials are purely American-made stupidity! And then realizing that months ago when I signed up for a virus protection and have been paying $x a month for it, that I never installed it. (Picture Homer Simpson smacking his head 'D'oh!') Yep, due to my fear and loathing for downloading ANYTHING I never completely installed the virus protection that would have saved me $250 in computer repair bills.
The Current Episode of Stupidity happened today. For the last week and a half, I have been feeling less than my normal wellness. I've had an ache in the back of my throat and in my head that goes from my left jaw joint up around behind my left ear and radiates around the back of my head to the top. Plus lots of heaviness in my sinus and the eyeballs feel like burrs in the eye sockets. All this time, I'm thinking I'm fighting a cold, my immunities are reduced due to stress and anxiousness over an employee meeting I had on Monday. I thought that was it so clearly that, I expected to be fully recovered in the wee hours after that meeting was over. Imagine my surprise when this morning, I woke up with those same aches in my head. This morning at about lunch-time the UPS driver pulls in and complains of his allergies. (Replay the Homer Simpson image.) I haven't walked the dogs in the morning for about a week and half because of my allergies, not a cold-bug! Aaagh! About 20 minutes later, I logged in to my e-mail and my walking buddy is having the same epiphany herself. I guess I should be glad I'm not the only one. However, I missed out on knitting group and a visit to my mom's that I had been planning to make last weekend, which I still won't get to this weekend because I'm covering another office so that a co-worker can finally get away (She lost her mom in January and has had no time for rest since).
Other marbles rolling around in my head include:
- An intense desire to cancel my health insurance through work. I am having deducted $75 for company provided health insurance THAT NEVER DID cover ANY supplies to monitor my diabetes. Now, the coverage does not cover ANY prescriptions. I have been hanging on to it in case of catastrophic health development, but at this point, I'm really wondering why I'm doing that. Considering too that it doesn't cover my husband, and I'm feeling entirely in the right to make such a decision.
- I have a special event coming up that I want to wear a dress to. I have sworn off the shirts and skirts that have been my dress attire for years because of sizing issues: Bigger sizes required on top than on bottom. The reason I'm going strictly with dresses is because I have had it up to there with the waistband rolling down from the diabetic-belly and off the smaller proportionately butt. So, I'm going with straight or princess cut, no-waistband dress. However, I need a slip. I did not realize how hard it would be to find a full slip. Many of the styles I'm finding are modesty cut, which means that apparently if you are wearing a slip it must cover from head to toe. I am having a tough time finding one that is not longer than the knee and I can wear a modest but open neckline with, plus is affordable. I'm contemplating getting a camisole tee-shirt with the teeny straps and about a yard or two of a nice fabric, eyelet or something else pretty and sewing it to the bottom of the camisole. I used to make these for my daughter when she was little. It started with a onesie and a wide piece of lace sewn on when she was a baby and went from there.
- The knitting projects are dragging. I finished socks for my military nephew, a sweater for my step-daughter, another sweater for an (Haitian) orphan. I got a really great book 'Magnificent Mittens & Sock' by Anna Zilborg from my Local Yarn Shop in a drawing. I have been reading the directions for socks and am crazy in love with the directions and want to cast on. I also have some new spools of yarn that I'm anxious to cast on. However, I have an agenda. Some deadlines are holding me back. I need to finish a couple of projects that I have put off for far too long. I have not knitted on a sweater I started a year and a half ago because it got too heavy and hurt my hands. I have some curtains I want to hang in the office door that are about 6-8 inches short on the second panel lying there too. Those will look so nice now that the office is painted and the floor is done. But, no. Currently working on a lace poncho for my husband's grand-daughter that I hope will be nice for spring in Minnesota. I have been taking a shawl to the knitting group gatherings that I'm working on for my sister-in-law. That's about it. Miserably slow knitting time for me.
- The 'being broke' thing is a pretty overwhelming place to be right now. So very close to having a couple of bills paid off but there is a lot coming up and nothing to save for them. My nephew will be home for a couple weeks, but I'm going to have to cash in the penny jar to get to see him. I have three camping trips planned and reservations made between Memorial Day and Labor Day, the most expensive being a week's vacation with my step-daughter and her kids who I've not met yet.
- We have been looking at other jobs. Starting pay for other companies in property management starts about about $500 more than we are being paid currently. My dear husband is paid a very nominal amount, which comes out to less than minimum wage for less than eleven hours a weeks work, the extra he can accomplish is questioned at every turn and, as I said before, he doesn't get any extra benefits like health insurance. So, he feels he is unappreciated and I don't blame him. I appreciate him greatly, but even I don't have a way to prove that he is either.
- I don't feel I'm appreciated either. At the employee meeting the other day, I was asked to tell everybody how I get a couple of things done. One is finding ways to promote my facility and another is finding people I can't contact with the information they've left with me and not updated. Well. Both of those things are done on my own with my own materials, not purchased by my company so my co-workers, not in possession of those same materials will not be able to do what I get done. Plus, these things make me unique in my company. I like helping people and giving this stuff away means I lose my ability to benefit my company, makes me obsolete. Asking me to just tell what I know is like asking a doctor to teach any common person to do surgery. That may sound extreme, but I have skills and abilities they did not hire me for. They are not paying me for those special skills and abilities, but for being a warm body in a seat, and that's it and that's the pay grade I receive, not the other. I'll get over it, but my teeth have been on edge about that for days now.
- I have also had enough of ugly people. I don't mean I want to hang out with beauty queens. I'm sick to death of reality shows, tabloid television, snarky politicians, famous people who become notorious, users of anything and everybody that can't be bothered to give anything back, people who gossip and those that contact me, who I haven't heard from in years but are only looking for more trash to talk either about me or to me. This also includes people who expect me to give as I have always done but can't be bothered to help me or mine or to pass it on to anybody else. I guess that last part is 'user' too but there are some who think it only applies to addictions.
The other stuff is usual. Haven't seen or heard from my daughter in a couple of weeks. She's 22 and it's OK in her opinion not to call or visit me every few days in her opinion, but still, I miss her. I miss my mom too. They have been cooped up at home with health issues, which is why I wanted to go see her last weekend. The dogs are the same. I'm still struggling with Maggie to be calm about food, still trying to get Dori to come out of her shell of fear. The weather has been beautiful spring and getting moreso everyday. Waiting for Spring Training to be over so that the MLB games will be aired on TV. I check my e-mails every day, my social networks two or three times a day, my snail-mailbox two or three times a week, I don't hear from anybody. Yep, I know you're supposed to contact the ones that you want to hear from, but they don't respond everytime either. Some never. And I hate bugging people that don't really seem to care to hear from me.
So, I just post my crazy stupidities here and hope that those that love me know where to find me when they miss me. I wish you Love, Joy, Happy Spring to You! Peace out.