Thursday, December 17, 2009

I really don't have much to say. I'm in a little pain, one glass-shard-stabbing-into-my-head type of headache and the lower back pain that will go away in a day or so. Most of the day, I've gone around in this fog like I can't focus and nothing is making sense, mostly what is coming out of my mouth. Most of it is random and nonsense to explain. I spoke with a lady on the phone yesterday about Prepaid Legal, because I'm a member and I love it and also have the Identity Theft Protection, so, that's what I do, talk about it a lot. But I don't believe in being pushy. Well, the point of bringing this up is that she complimented me for not being pushy. I guess that the pleasure of the compliment has a bigger impact on me because I'm the pushy older sister type that has in the past had to make sure every body knew my opinion about everything and that it was the only opinion I hoped every body had.

I'm not that way so much anymore.

I've grown away from being the momma that constantly had to tell her child or children what to do. That's probably been the hardest thing for me. I think it might be for a lot of parents. We see so much potential in our children and with the desire for them to have it easier than we did or just better than we did it's very difficult not to say something. Unfortunately, most of what we learned was in the school of hard knocks, not in history class. Most people do not learn from the mistakes of others, although you would think that would be the wise thing to do. When my daughter was 15 and after years of not seeing any reasonable good happening with her dad, I became really depressed to the point of suicide. I felt that she didn't need me anymore either. So, I gave up giving my opinions unless asked. And people generally don't ask.

I also used to be a faithful member of a congregation. I did what I could, I studied my Bible, I sat near the front and was an attentive listener and loved to have that wave of holy spirit just roll over me, got so caught up in the emotion of it all that I cried, I loved to sing, I enjoyed seeing the different members of the congregation felt I encouraged them and they encouraged me. The scripture that says when we gather together we sharpen the face of one another was true for me. My presence help me, helped others and they helped me. The problem came when I did one thing that the scriptures say don't do. My feelings were hurt and I didn't get over it. I took offense. I suddenly realised that even with holy spirit blessing them, they were still just human. Just like me. Long before that all happened though, I stopped giving opinion about anything spiritual. Mine or what I know to be Biblical truth. Nobody likes being told what to do, even if it is the message from God, they just want their ears tickled (another scripture) and I'm never was in the tickling business. My spiritual message came down to 'have hope, God can be trusted when no one else can, find faith if you want, there's help if you want it, you know where to find me' and that was it. I am not a pusher.

Which leads to another discussion we've going around and around with, life after death or what happens when we die. I know what the facts are from the Bible, so, for me, those facts are what I live by. Not my feelings. It actually makes me sick to my stomach to think that after someone dies their souls may roam the earth, like some people hope. To me, that just seems like a continuing nightmare of suffering for the one that has passed and it's only our own greed that wants to keep them here. We watch the 'Ghost Whisperer' and 'Medium' shows, Superman also enjoys 'John Edwards' and 'Lisa Williams'. I like the mystery-gets-solved part of those first shows. I am amazed at the way the real life people can read a person and empathetically tell them what they want to hear and that people seem to find comfort, but that's the whole vicious cycle where traditional religions have scared people into being faithful and nowadays they just want to have their ears tickled and will just go where they will hear what they want to hear. I am reading 'What Dreams May Come' by Richard Matheson, yep, the book the movie was based off of. Apparently Mr. Matheson was really admired for all the research he did on life after death and incorporated a lot of it into his book. The only thing so far that I liked is the regret some characters in the afterlife have that people alive are in fear of death. Yes, I believe it is too bad that death is so feared it becomes an agony. Birth wasn't so great either, nearly kills a lot of people and guess what? People celebrate that every year. They celebrate the fact they survived birth. Not so much all the other terrible things we have endured since.

Which leads me to all the holidays. What's the deal? I think we've become a society of partyers, looking for any reason to take a day off, overeat, pick fights with our families, or drink. Don't misunderstand me. I appreciate the days off as much as anybody. I just find so many of the occasions that people choose to go so nuts and overspend, overdrink, overindulge as if they have a right to that is kinda childish. So, I just celebrate the things that make me happy and don't really much to do with anybody else, like the day I met Superman, the day we got married, the day he survived his heart attack, the day I changed from woman to mother . . . And usually the celebration for the most part is the little happy dance I do in my heart. So, I tend to get into trouble with those that are thoughtful enough to send me Christmas Cards because I didn't send them one. I would rather tell you every day I see you that you make my everyday. My true companions in life are the ones that are OK without the gift cards.

I have opinions. I'm glad I have a blog to vent them. I don't advertise this blog so nobody is reading it, it feels like I've recorded it and don't have to share with anybody. Nobody asked for it anyway. I get uncomfortable in situations where people are giving theirs because it seems an inappropriate time. Like when people come into my office and start going on about our President and this or that issue. I really have to make that stop. If you have a politcal issue go where they care about politics. If you have a need for Storage, or something I was put on this earth or behind my desk to take care of, then come see me.

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